Ethan’s Tree
What began as a sharing of a warm, holiday story evolved into something much more for me a few weeks ago. During a break in our work session, I stuck up a conversation with one of the talented leaders I was working with about the upcoming holidays. He relayed a story about how he and his 9 year old son rode out into a Christmas tree farm in New England in search of the perfect Christmas tree. There were hundreds of trees to choose from… rows and majestic rows of perfect trees. Son Ethan was drawn to a tree in an open space where mostly stumps of Blue Spruce protruded from the ground. All of the beauties were cut and gone. One lonely, scraggly misshapen tree remained. Ethan told his dad “this is our tree.” His dad pointed out all of the tree’s shortcomings and coaxed Ethan to return to the rows of the majestics. A dozen more minutes of roaming ensued. Still, Ethan could not be swayed. “This is the one… this is our tree, Dad.” And so it was.
Soon the tree was welcomed into their home, watered and beautifully decorated. It stood in the family room in its pure glory… with gaps nature created, the imperfect sprigs of green-blue poking into skewed directions… the raw, authentic tree that it was. It was cherished. It was amazing. It was “the one.”
You see, Ethan has a unique gift. He sees the world through different eyes. While his gift may frustrate him at times it also affords him opportunities to see what is possible, what has incredible potential, what possesses inherent beauty, what could be. Ethan is rich.
How about you? What tree are you looking past as you weave through the “perfect” rows in your organization? What talent are you missing in a team member? Yourself? What do you discount as imperfect? What is lost when you don’t take the time to discover the raw, simple gifts around you?
There is a tree waiting for you… out there… in the cubicle field, on the shop floor, behind the retail counter of your store. See that tree through Ethan eyes. Richness awaits you.
on January 1, 2008 on 7:05 pm
There are words that I keep on a list at my desk. They are actions. They are reminders of how I want to be. I add to the list when significant events merit a reminder. My list stands at 10, and includes the word “play”. Play sparks thinking for me and reminds me to allow the child in me to emerge once in a while.
I often struggle when my children become silly – laughing uncontrolably, or fooling around. It’s easy for me to stiffle that behavior in favor of a more quiet and serious activity. My learned tendency is to shut them down. To quell the boundless energy that they display. My children are at play almost constantly and it’s often frustrating when I’m trying to create and execute for my job. You see, I am paid to create. As adults, we have been taught to think and behave a certain way. We know what is appropriate and what is “right”. Ethan didn’t see it that way. My children don’t yet see it that way.
My lesson is right in front of me every day. Perhaps if I can play more, I can create more successfully. My children are my best teachers. They force me to laugh and to see the world through different eyes, as Ethan did for his dad. How well would I create for my job if I let the inner child in me emerge more often? How well could you execute if you played once in a while?
Thanks for helping me see the world differently, Sue.
on January 3, 2008 on 8:56 pm
I can’t agree more with Jim, and I have to commend Ethan’s Dad for recognizing the beauty of natural life in a world that praises and crowds our lives with commercial perfection.
Entering into the corporate world for the first time on a full time basis in 2006, I struggled a great deal. For several months I was exhausted by the change of pace in my daily activities and really fought (and still do) to find a balance that works to really enjoy and appreciate the life I live. Between maintaining long-distant friendships, building new ones, spending time with family, dating, building confidence and strong relationships with my coworkers, trying to get to know Portland in ways I haven’t before, and above all, keeping healthy with a hectic schedule, I have to remind myself every day to live each day on its own and do the best I can with the time I have.
The most rewarding way I’ve found to do this is to take everything a little less seriously (for years, I have admittedly and unfortunately embraced the traits of a practiced perfectionist, which will always be instilled in me to some degree), and look for the small opportunities to influence a positive change or make someone think (like giving an incredibly large and goofy grin to a completely scowling stranger just as I pass him on my walk to work, giving him a stunned look or shocking him enough that -gasp- he smiles back). Time might be money, but even more, it’s life, and finding ways to remember that motivates me to fill it with as much spontaneity as I am able to handle.
Ethan’s story is a great reminder to think outside the box… thank you for sharing Sue.
on January 7, 2008 on 11:32 am
Allowing ourselves to be taught by others, including children, has to be one of the most liberating ways to live. Like Francie, I started a “job” after 21 years of running my own business. I’m refreshed to find that folks love to teach and help and have made my transition infinitely easier than it would have been if I’d had to learn it on my own.
One of my musings for 2008 is observing what I might be resisting and noticing how many of my assumptions I can release…assumptions about people and situations. So…Ethan does not have a whole suitcase of assumptions about the perfect tree…what assumptions about the perfect job, perfect client, perfect mate, perfect body, perfect weather, etc, can I just release. This is fun!!
Thanks Sue…I look forward to your emails.
on January 9, 2008 on 11:30 am
I was sitting in the room when this story was told, and I was equally moved. I to tip my hat to Ethan’s father for recognizing that Ethan had his own vision of beauty an ran with it. Being a leader, of my household and my team (work), challenges my own vision everyday. Its very easy to blast through each day conquering one task after the next, possibly bypassing an opportunity to witness someone el’s vision, potential, or “inner Einstein “. To quote a line from a poem that was written by someone that is terminally ill, ” when you worry and hurry through your day…….it’s like an unopened gift……thrown away.” I for one have removed the blinders, slowed the pace, and Im opening the day’s gift one piece of tape at a time.
Take care.
on January 12, 2008 on 9:30 am
This is a wonderful story. It’s not the first time I’ve explored the issue of trying to see the strength in someone when what I would consider a fully contributing staff member just isn’t presenting itself. It’s a hard one. As mentioned above, it really does mean getting rid of the suitcase of expectations I carry with me.
One of the things I routinely do when starting a project or coaching a staff member is to say “what does success look like?” By talking that through with my partners or teammates we come to understand how each processes, how we view success, where the similarities and differences are. It also helps to promote buy-in when full communication takes place and understanding is truly possible.
I read about the concept of doing a ‘pre-mortem’ on events and projects as well. When a team begins its work together, it’s best to talk about everything that could go wrong, every contingency. This allows for better planning and execution, rather than looking at the event a day later and saying, ‘well, that could have gone better if we had anticipated X.’ That way there is no ‘better luck next time’. Rather, the full potential can be realized in real time.
As far as the concept of play and lessons from children go, as many have discussed, two words…. Captain Underpants. My son and I are reading these small books together right now. He’s 4 1/2 and can’t read. And I tend to want to read books with ‘real meaning’ and morals to the story. But when you and your child laugh together, well, it’s one of the greatest stress relievers there is. Believe me, reading out loud the saga of Captain Underpants meeting Professor Pippy P. Poppypants (go ahead, say it out loud fast a few times! It’s incredibly funny), is a great way to end a long and busy day.
Thanks for sharing this wonderful story, Sue.
on February 5, 2008 on 4:59 am
Thanks for this post. It reminds me of the truth – we see what we are looking for. Do we see assumed flaws or something else? Do we see challenges or opportunities? We can choose to cherish something for our own reasons, rather than the common ones. We can find beauty wherever we look.
Thanks
Kevin